I'm wondering are we happy being single?

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Permalink Reply by Naked Editor on November 7, 2011 at 10:43am

I like this post!  You can be drama free, less stressed, and refuse to settle for less and still be in a relationship  When you know you have options and are comfortable enough in your thong(s) to explore them -- being in a relationship doesn't have to be dramatic or stressful. That's what "Naked Dating" is all about.  Wish you didn't have to wait until April to read it :(  Maybe I'll get you an advance reading copy and you can be part of the first Naked Dating Experiment.  Interested?

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Permalink Reply by GirlyGalTal on November 7, 2011 at 10:22pm

Yes, April is too far away!!! lol.

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Permalink Reply by Grant Posner on November 7, 2011 at 12:05pm

I miss it all as well... It is a known thing that humans do better with a paired person, this being a significant other or even just a good friend, humans are not solitary beings.  While there are times I prefer to be single (those are few and far between) I know I am much happier when I am able to share my life with another person who shares, at least some of, the same passions, wants, beliefs, and feelings that I do.  

 

Falling in love is a beautiful thing and personally I can only say this has happened once with a girlfriend, and the whole falling out part is much MUCH harder (as I am sure you know...).  being in love is a fantastic thing though, the feeling of nothing else matters in the world, the whole serenity thing, yea, I miss it... a lot, but unfortunately life is about challenges and setting those personal goals, and as recently been more popular in the media than before, love shows no boundaries.  It is a funny thing how it all works, how it will just sneak up on you and drag you along for the ride, willing or not, you are at the mercy of your heart and while it is never the ride that hurts, its the sudden stop that does, it is all a learning experience.  

 

I guess that is my whole philosophical outlook on it, but in a nutshell, love is amazing and I hope to one day share it with someone who will share theirs back.  Being single can be good and bad, but personally I prefer to be with someone who truly cares about me, or someone that I truly feel is the one...  

 

Maybe that is why, even after much advising to do otherwise, that I have been going after the same woman now for what is almost 8 months.  It is crazy that tings we will do for the ones we have feelings for, and maybe that is what makes us human?  Being only 21, I have not a clue in the world, but I will say, for the time that I was in love, it was probably the happiest times of my life... even if the relationship was not the best, but hey, could have been worse :)

 

The right guy (or girl... don't want to generalize or assume, sorry) is out there and he is waiting for you, all you have to do is find him.  While many may want the person now, the chase can be part of the whole falling in love process... this might be evident in how good guy friends that you don't have to chase get the 'brother' title and not usually the 'boyfriend' one (even if they were truly after your heart), however I am no expert, that is just an observation I have seen over the past few years..  But I promise you, happiness awaits you and is possibly closer than you think.  Never close doors that even have a snow-balls chance to be successful, because you never know where your true love is hiding (or waiting).  

 

I guess it may be best to wait for a more 'normal' male opinion, but I figured I would put myself out on the line and see what I catch..  Frankly I have never really talked about that whole single vs. not until now, quite relaxing honestly.  Until the day that you find 'the one' keep knocking at the clouds and listening for a sound.  :)

 

-Grant

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Permalink Reply by GirlyGalTal on November 7, 2011 at 10:36pm

Thank you Grant for your honesty! I am finally starting to get over my one year relationship that ended six months ago. It really has not helped that the guy goes to my University. (He left me...with no warning or signs for another girl... a girl who has a son with his ex-best friends baby...messed story for another day...lol) However I must admit know that I have healed, I completely miss being in a relationship. I talk about this with my friends and everyone encourages me to stay single...hmm...I don't want to be! lol. I totally agree that it is amazing being in love and its soo nice to have that one person that you can tell everything to and share life with intimately. It is a complete learning experience and I am finally happy to have experience the heart wrenching breaks-ups that I have had. It has taken me years to accept some of them. lol about the whole 'normal' male opinion, you are normal, your honest and that makes me happy lol! 

 

I hope that more people will admit to feeling a little lonely being single. More GUYS specifically because I never know what guys want. I feel that it is tricky for a guy to admit that he really wants a relationship or sometimes I think too many are just okay with using girls for sex, sex without attachement and it's only girls who go out looking for a boyfriend!!! I'm not saying that should be the ultimate goal in life with every cute guy you meet but I was curious to see how people would respond to this. 

 

Grant, I love what you said: "It is a funny thing how it all works, how it will just sneak up on you and drag you along for the ride, willing or not, you are at the mercy of your heart and while it is never the ride that hurts, its the sudden stop that does, it is all a learning experience." - totally agree. :)

 

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Permalink Reply by Grant Posner on November 7, 2011 at 11:46pm

Wow, he is an asshole... seems like a wonderful story filled with love, puppy dogs and happiness... And yes, I know the feeling, it basically takes the same amount of time, if not more to get over the relationships where you were in love, or at least very close to it.  I guess I have gotten lucky because the girl that I loved still goes to my university but has been studying abroad.  We dated my freshman year I think...  Honestly it has been a while.. but a part of me will forever belong to her and I guess, no matter how bad this sounds, she basically sets the standard for a woman, like one must meet or exceed her in all categories.  And while it may not be evident right now, I am sure you are experiencing some sort of that, it actually causes anxiety from time to time..  but life moves on I guess..

 

I am glad I understand what a broken heart and falling out of love feels like now and not later on in my life, get the pain over with now..  I agree that it is tricky for guys to admit they actually want relationships, and to be honest I feel like some dont... or they just womanize so much it doesn't seem that way.  I wish guys wouldn't do that, really gives the rest of us a bad rep..  I also feel like most girls should know by now, if you meet a guy at a club, it is unlikely he wants a relationship, maybe that is just my 'non-club-going' male perspective.  Also I know a few women on my campus that use guys for pleasure, oddly enough, most people don't seem to care when it is the other way around... so much for equality ha ha!

 

I guess it depends on ones lifestyle to really figure out what is best for them, but I would definitely love to hear from someone who regularly hooks up with women to see why, does it make them feel lonely, do they want a relationship, and do they truly enjoy it?  Stuff like that...  

 

I actually related that saying to a car crash as it is not the crash that kills, it is the sudden stop.  Air bags only increase the amount of time it takes for your head to stop therefore lessening the force overall.  Our close friend(s) act as the airbag that save our emotional lives, at least for some bit of it.  Breakups are hard for anyone, especially if they have no one to be there to catch them when they fall.  But I would think that is where people like you and I come in.  While we may not be able to save the initial damage, we can at least help re-build the damaged sections and assess the 'accident scene' to see what went wrong, where it went wrong, and how to fix it.  

 

You have a good heart, this is plenty evident, and maybe being single for a bit is good for a person, but dammit I know the feeling "screw being alone, I just want to be loved NOW, they way it all used to be!"  Don't worry, one day we will all find the love of our lives, lets just hope sooner than later ha ha!

 

-Grant 

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Permalink Reply by Dennis Evans on November 8, 2011 at 10:13am

I despise being single, then again that's the only perspective I've ever known.

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Permalink Reply by Kevin Okerhjelm on November 8, 2011 at 11:59am

Well, you said you wanted another guy's oppinion, so here's mine.  I hate being single.  I know I'm--as you put it--"drama free, less stressed, and I refuse to settle for less", but I'm just tired of it.  I'm tired of seeing couples everywhere I go.  I have been single most of my life.  And even when I was dating, we weren't "boyfriend/girlfriend official".  So I've never been in a "real" relationship, and I would like to think that after all this time (I'm 22) I am finally ready to be in one!  But I don't feel as though it's a possibility.  This is my third year of living on a college campus, and not a single girl here has ever once flirted with me or shown in any way that she was attracted to me.  And every time I ask a girl out, I get rejected, usually with the "nice guy" speech.  I want a relationship.  I really do.  Yet girls on my campus seem to always go for the guys who clearly only want sex!  And all my friends keep telling me that one day girls will grow up and realize that I'm the kind of guy they're looking for, but after years of being told that and it not coming true, I'm not sure I believe it.  Sorry for the rant.

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Permalink Reply by Chris Spadafora on December 16, 2011 at 10:44pm

dude I've been getting the same exact shit happening. I'm 18 and in my first year of college still but I have a feeling its gonna be trend for me and I'm really not looking forward to it. I had one relationship (if you can call it that it lasted 2 weeks!) and I've been wanting one but I agree there aren't many girls who want a real relationship.

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Permalink Reply by Grant Posner on December 16, 2011 at 10:50pm

This seems to be a trend with women who are generally not worth you time ha ha..  Search long enough and you will find the right girl, although sometimes the right girl will find you.  It varies for everyone.  Good luck in your search, it seems we are all looking for the same thing here, but best of luck to you none the less.  And realize we are all very young, 18, 21, and 22 are not relatively old.  We are just programmed this way because our ancestors (many years ago) did not last much more than 40 if they were lucky enough to get there, so our desire to settle down and find 'the one' grows increasingly as the time passes.  This is something we all have to deal with, part of life my friend.
 

Good luck and godspeed,

-Grant

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Permalink Reply by Riley Loretta on November 9, 2011 at 8:37pm

I guess I'm kind of in between.  I'm content with my life right now, but I'm ready for something better.  I'm rather old fashioned, I suppose, in the fact that I really just want to meet a man who will be my companion for life.  I'm ready to be someone's "everything," and find myself dreaming about it more than I ever have before.  So yes and no.

At the same time, I'm tired of going after guys that, in retrospect, clearly weren't up to par - to be with them, even for a short period of time, would have been "settling."  I'm at a place in my life where I don't want to waste my time.

Sadly, I'm not sure how practical this view is!

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Permalink Reply by Kevin Okerhjelm on November 10, 2011 at 9:11am

Hey, you just described how I feel!  That is, in my biased opinion, a good place to be.  Don't settle for less than you deserve!

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Permalink Reply by Caryn Frazier on November 10, 2011 at 1:15pm

I have to say that being a girl and not having a boyfriend Sophomore year in HS...it SUCKS. I see couples everywhere I go, and I ask myself what the heck I've done wrong to be like this. It's really starting to bother me and there are like no guys here at all. It's kind of bothersome to me. It makes me feel that I'm not beautiful or anything at all. I just feel so lonely....and I'm starting to stress out over the "what if i never find anyone?"

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