All Blog Posts (231)

Dear Harlan:

I'm pretty religious and always have been. I'm going to a Christian college, but I'm not dumb enough to seriously think that means it will be a safe, sober and Savior-loving campus all the time. I'm afraid this might lead to issues with a nonreligious roommate. I don't shove my religion on others, but I do have personal beliefs and standards.



I'm not OK with others having sex in front…

Dear Harlan:

Next year, I will be attending college for the first time. I’ve been in a relationship with this girl for about six months, and she’ll be attending the same school. We’ve been good friends since our freshman year. Before we started dating, she used to date my best friend, but I eventually discovered…

Dear Harlan:

Man, you goofed. I was offended when I read your response to “Cuddler.” I am 38, single and consider myself to be an average man. I am here to say that I have always enjoyed cuddling and always will. Many of us were insulted when you advised women who want more cuddling to avoid having sex with a guy for a long time. Sex has never impacted cuddling for me. I believe a real man knows what true intimacy is and how to experience and share it. We know it lies…

Dear Harlan:

I’m Aspergian and socially lost, and I’m not even in college yet. My friends (who I can count on one hand) are heading in different directions. Thankfully, my home literally is down the street from my college. I think with a completely different operating system than most people, and with perpendicular trains of thought, I’m almost never on the same page. I’ve read about college for some time, but still don’t feel like I’ll be attending. Is it just…

Dear Harlan:

I have a  question about Facebook friends. I just got out of high school and I noticed  that quite a few people are defriending me. What does it mean when people defriend  you on Facebook? I know my feelings shouldn't be hurt because people defriend  me, but I just wanted to know what tip you might have about defriending on  Facebook when high-school friends graduate and become college acquaintances.…

Dear Harlan:

I'm having a problem with my roommate that I didn't know I had until now. My roommate left out a notepad that was like a journal; it was open to a page that was headed with "roommate." I know what I did was wrong, but I could not take not knowing. While reading, I figured out that he really doesn't like me a whole lot, or to hang out with his friends either. While we are in the same room, none of this shows and it doesn't seem like what…

Dear Harlan:

I'm really against organized religion. I consider myself agnostic/atheist, though I'm technically Jewish. I just don't like religion, and it's not a big part of my life. My boyfriend is really religious and his dad is a preacher, and I'm kind of worried because it's bothering me already.

Already Irritated

Dear Already…

Dear Harlan:

I come from a home where we do not use profanity. I'm finding that many of the people I'm meeting on my floor in college use it on a regular basis. I would prefer they at least hold back while I'm around. I've explained that it makes me uncomfortable, but that doesn't seem to help. What should I do?

Surrounded By Potty Mouths

Dear…

Dear Harlan:

My roommate and I used to get along really well - that is, until one day I quit the student-council board we were on. Then she just got mad and started slamming doors. She won't even stay in the room with me. She'll see I'm here and just grab her stuff and leave. What can I do? I need to talk to her, but I don't know how.

Blessed…

Hey Harlan:

So, I recently started to experiment with the same sex. Afterward, I always become ill (such as nausea, vomiting, etc.). But for some reason, I keep going back to this experimental side of things. Now I have met a guy who is pretty nice. We have been hanging out, and things have been going well. After one night we spent together, the next day I felt horrible. I felt guilty and ashamed and several times during the course of the day I…

Dear Harlan:

I have a best friend whom I love dearly. We are pretty much twins and inseparable. However, lately she has been going through some attitude shifts. At the beginning of the year, everything was smooth sailing, and we were just loving the college life. Then she got a boyfriend (which was great!), but then she started hanging out at the frat house all the time, doing drugs all the time, getting absolutely wasted and partying to the extreme. Then, after the…

Dear Harlan:

This is my last year of high school, and I can't wait for college. I already know I want to be a lawyer. There is one problem — my mom. She keeps pressuring me into pursuing a career in human services. But plainly and simply, I don't enjoy human services. She keeps saying that I would be good because I have a very nice disposition. In many ways, I can relate to Elle Woods ("Legally Blonde") because we both are told that we don't have what it takes to…

Hi Harlan:

I met "P" at my best friend's wedding. I'm 26, and he is 37. He called after the wedding, and we started dating and doing fun things together. I wanted to go to a New Year's party – dinner, hear a band – that happened to be held at a major hotel downtown. It was great except for the guy I was with! He got very silent, and said we were the only two people not staying overnight. Then he went to the bar and got a drink. He knew we were not staying overnight…

Dear Harlan:

I was wondering if you could help me. I'm at the end of my rope here, and I'm getting very frustrated. I've read online that local police can't do much to help, so I wanted to ask your advice as to what I should do about my current situation. I have been receiving messages from an anonymous source via Tumblr (an online…

Dear Harlan:

A few weeks ago, I broke up with my long-distance boyfriend due to communication issues. He'd contact me maybe once a week, and I felt very alone/neglected. I didn't really explain that to him. I just broke up with him impulsively. It's been a few weeks, and we've started talking again. I know he still has feelings for me, and he's actually making an effort and is communicating regularly with me. I think I made the wrong decision. I know the breakup was…

Dear Harlan:

I've recently become friends with benefits with a very good friend. Lately, it doesn't seem to be working for us. I'd like to go back to being just friends. Do you think that a friend with benefits can go back to being a best friend without benefits? Can we get back to normal?

Friend With Benefits

Dear Friend With Benefits:

There's no going back. You can't undo the sex once…

Dear Harlan:

My roommate smokes weed. She started over winter break. I came home the other night and my room smelled like weed! I told her from the start I don't care what she does as long as it's not near me or the dorm. She knows that I don't smoke, so I thought we had an understanding – until last night. I was really curious and I…

Dear Harlan:

Last year, I became involved with a guy at my school. At first I had a crush on him, and let him take my virginity (I felt like I was the only 19-year-old virgin left). But as I kept sleeping with him, I realized I never would like him again in THAT way because he's a complete jerk. But I enjoy the sex. Lately he's become…

Dear Harlan:

I'm a high-school senior, and I recently found out that I've been suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder for years. In eighth grade, I should have sought help, but I didn't want to tell anyone about my repressed thoughts or compulsions. It affected my quality of life by making me terrified to think for a few months for fear of what my mind would bring up. At the moment, I'm still living with…

Dear Harlan:

I'm interested in dating white men and have some questions. How does a black girl approach a white guy? What if he's not interested in me? How do you feel about interracial dating?

Looking for a White Guy

Dear Looking:

What do I think? Hmmm. OK. If an attractive, smart black Jewish woman approached me during my single days, I'd definitely be open to dating her (Jewish,…