Experienced cuddler loves to cuddle - and he's a man

Dear Harlan:

Man, you goofed. I was offended when I read your response to “Cuddler.” I am 38, single and consider myself to be an average man. I am here to say that I have always enjoyed cuddling and always will. Many of us were insulted when you advised women who want more cuddling to avoid having sex with a guy for a long time. Sex has never impacted cuddling for me. I believe a real man knows what true intimacy is and how to experience and share it. We know it lies in a woman’s heart — not between her legs. It may surprise “Cuddler” to know that many men of all ages want the same thing — to feel someone special next to him, to feel her head on his shoulder with her arms wrapped around him. Sometimes not even needing words, and just listening to each other’s heartbeats and enjoying that cozy, warm, safe, happy feeling is all we want. Lastly, you said, “Don’t expect your cuddler to be interested in cuddling after sex.” Are you kidding? I find that statement to be ridiculous. I enjoy cuddling after sex — the intimacy and the bond two people share just seems more intense. Judging from the women and men I’ve talked to through the years, I know I’m not alone in this. Not all men think with their genitals. A real man can be everything a real woman can be — strong and soft, tough and tender — and we have many of the same needs. Thanks for letting me get that of my chest.

Real Man in Maine

Dear Real Man:

I respect a man who is comfortable with his cuddling. I also enjoy cuddling (but to a lesser degree than you). Just to clarify — my reply was for a woman who dates a man who wants sex more than cuddles. I should have qualified my answer with the words “some men” don’t love cuddling. I also should have mentioned that some researchers point to the brain’s release of oxytocin following sex as a contributing factor to men’s postcoital sleepiness. As for holding off on the sex, I’d recommend a man or woman looking for hardcore cuddling to hold off on sex until he or she has had enough cuddles. Sex can make even the most avid cuddlers sleepy.