Just because sex is available doesn't mean you have to have it

Dear Harlan:

Next year, I will be attending college for the first time. I’ve been in a relationship with this girl for about six months, and she’ll be attending the same school. We’ve been good friends since our freshman year. Before we started dating, she used to date my best friend, but I eventually discovered that he was crazy, and he dumped her about a year ago. They had been dating for a year. My girlfriend really likes me, and I guess I like her too; I just know I could never “love” her. I’ve thought about asking her to just be friends because I’ve heard relationships in college aren’t very fun. I think she also wants me to be her “first.” But she’s kind of weird about it. She wants to wait until she’s on birth control. I’m not sure what I should do.

Unsure

Dear Unsure:

Once you have sex with someone, the friendship changes. It’s a fact. Anyone who tells you otherwise either is trying to persuade you to have sex or is trying to ruin a friendship. Even if she’s on birth control, there’s a chance she can get pregnant. And even if she doesn’t get pregnant, there’s a chance that she will get extremely hurt or the friendship will be ruined. If you’re not in love with her and are not sure you want to be with her, then don’t have sex with her. In fact, think twice about dating her. Did you ever think that she might want to have sex with you because having sex means keeping you as a boyfriend during a really unstable time? She might sense that you only like her and thinks that having sex will get you to love her. All these reasons make her much more suitable to be a friend — not a lover. There’s nothing friendly about taking someone’s virginity and then breaking up with him or her. Even if she says she’s fine with it, you shouldn’t be. My advice: Don’t have sex with her.